Save the planet - stop breathing

"Carbon dioxide emissions must be reduced to around zero by the end of the century”, says a report by researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Meteorology in Hamburg. Erich Roeckner and his team adopted the methodology proposed by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) for simulations being carried out for the future Fifth IPCC Assessment Report.

Well now - how could they possibly go wrong starting with such a dependable model?

According to the model, admissible carbon dioxide emissions will increase from approximately seven billion tonnes of carbon in the year 2000 to a maximum value of around ten billion tonnes in 2015. In order to achieve the long-term stabilisation of the atmospheric carbon dioxide concentration, the emissions will then have to be reduced by 56 percent by the year 2050 and approach zero towards the end of this century. Although, based on these calculations, global warming would remain under the two-degree threshold until 2100, further warming may be expected in the long term: "It will take centuries for the global climate system to stabilise" said Roeckner.

Given that the global climate system never has been stable, and that all air-breathing organisms produce carbon dioxide, is this not perhaps a positively un-German essay in satirical humour?