Patriotic Retirement Plan

Pay everybody over 50 a lump sum of £1 million each for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1. They MUST retire - ten million job openings - unemployment fixed
2. They MUST buy a new British car - ten million cars ordered - car industry revitalized
3. They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - mortgage/banking crisis fixed
4. They MUST send their offspring to private school/college/university - education and crime fixed
5. They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week - and there's your money back in duty/tax etc 

ALSO . . . let's get the indigent elderly and the convicts to change places

The elderly would have:

1. Private, secure rooms with cable TV, outdoor yards and gardens fenced off from feral youths
2. Free heating, hot water, meals with room service, laundry service and convenient medical and dental services
3. Constant video monitoring would ensure instant help if they fell, or needed other assistance
4. A warden required by law to check on them regularly and to adhere to a strict code of conduct
5. Family visits in a purpose-built suite, supervised libraries, gyms, swimming pool, spiritual counselling and adult education

The convicts?

1. Tiny rooms, with limited "personal touches" allowed
2. Live in fear of other criminals without hope of any help from the authorities
3. Eat cat food, limited heating and light
4. Grudging supervision by unaccountable social workers
5. Be regarded as "useless mouths" by the Welfare State and treated accordingly