This from a viral email ;-)
Researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Gv has no electrons, hence it is inert and its presence has been detected from its property of impeding every reaction with which it comes into contact.
Although Gv has a normal half-life of 4-5 years it does not decay, but instead undergoes a process in which mass actually increases over time, since more morons become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Gv is formed whenever morons reach a critical morass.